Delhi Metro Guys

Being new to delhi, metro ride throws you fascinating facets of delhi. The Delhi metro is microcosm of delhities and a ride in to the metro throws light on one interesting Species- Delhite-Men. This specie is not much different from most of male species in the country but when the landscape is of big metro cities then their public actions are rather incomparable.

On metro train it is mostly funny as you can witness Wimbeldon effect whenever a woman enters the tube filled with men but sometimes highlight the scary aspect of gender behavior. If you have an eye for detail may be you can catch some these species in action.  

The big eye ball Guy: Many of such species are visible every day on metro but what amazes me is the surprise in their eyes every time they see fairer sex as if they have seen it first time in their lives. Their reaction is very predictable, it’s like “oh, my god they do exists”. If a young female in professional attire walks in then it is fun to watch their big eye scan.

Pole dancing guys: The uniquely set of talented guys who have created new form of dancing “gazealooko” by twisting their body on the pole to get a better look of every female going in and out of the tube, though haven’t seen anybody trying upside down act. I really think these Delhi guys should get some amount of credit for the origins of twearking.

The Immobile Guys: These are totally contrasting set of guys compared to pole dancing guys, they don’t move. In fact you won’t see them moving an inch no matter who passes by, if some girl passes by then they don’t bother to step aside, you can see how pleased they are to be brushed sideways.

Goggles Wala is an evolutionary breed, one of my favourites at Delhi Metro. After their numerous rolling eyes misadventures received keep-your-disgust-to-yourself feedback, these guys smarted to a peaceful solution of glares for gaze. I sense they are the most harmless guys of the lot who actually want to remain invisible to everyone’s eyes. The only time you can catch their presence when they have to continuously turn their heads to make a dekho.

Stare-you Guys: These guys are not necessarily the ones with big eye balls. Their game is simple, just stare the fairer sex in front of them and continuously do so for the whole damn time. These guys are not amused at women, but women indeed are.  I don’t know if they find it the best way to kill the time or consider it the most entertaining part of the journey but they definitely seem to scare the female species.

These species aren’t much exclusive to Delhi, It is not much of difficult to find them in any other city, but is easier to find them in Delhi.

I find it difficult to understand guys in Delhi on the average have good looks & built and have good sense of dressing much like other men in metros, but their desperation is quite evident than men in other cities. Some of Delhi guys are much more like “Delhi Rickshawalas” who literally jump on their prospects even though they have multiple possibilities to get hitched. May be its desperation to get hitched or may its sudden rush of blood to the small brain which makes them ‘Love- Junkies’.

I don’t know it could be either, but what’s really funny that they still act like the men in 80s movies, probably Delhi Metro is more modern than large section of delhi-men.                

It's Different

The first and obvious answer to how it felt being married for so many years was good. What else you here from a married man caught between marriage and question on marriage. Well after some introspection there seems to be an answer to the question, it’s different.

It might be called clichéd comment coming out of desperate need to create some distinction in your married life, but I would insist it is really different. I know most of the people count similarities in married person’s life….well to begin with its called dead. People count numerous similarities in life of several married couples everything from bored life to similar family responsibilities that make people believe that your marriage can’t be different.

Well, it might not be wrong to say that married couples face similar situations and scenarios across the globe but to infer that everyone has similar experience and hence same married life would be mistake. Situations may remain same but people are always different, so every couple would have its share of arguments and fights but when it comes to my life its always different because same situations don’t yield similar solutions and outcomes, to expect my wife never reacts on expected lines, this brings element of surprise and fun in my life. You go home thinking that you have already won the battle but when you enter the house you realize that it has turned upside down.

It amazing that when people make you believe that your life is not going to be different, marriage turns yours life on unexpected lines. Marriage is a surprise mathematical equation, almost everyone knows the question and in fact they also know the outcome but surprise is the infinite number of ways that people take to solve it or mess it up, and believe me everyone takes his own route despite being told otherwise. In the end it may sound like ketchup slogan but its always different.

Gone Days of Vilayat

During my childhood foreign country had its own charm…which was mostly exotic, superior and unreachable for most of the Indians. There was skewed perception of foreign countries be it developed west or improvised east. Foreign country was fondly called ‘Vilayat’ and those came back from such places have numerous names ranging from vilayati Lal, vilayati babu or simply more abusive – vilayati !!

Most of the people knew it through the movies, and favourite among those themes were Indian going to foreign shore or returning after education from western countries. Though a hardly any movies in late 80s or 90s were not made on such subject but a lot of those telecasted on national channel during the period were made between 50s and 70s, the era when Indian looked towards west for everything.

One of most favourite themes used to return of western educated Indian to his homeland, most of it centered on all things wrong with the vilayati babus. So, a vilayati would always be drinking & smoking, bashing up the desi culture most important of all kicking the parents out of home!! Besides vilayat Indians were charmed with other thing vilayati- the gora women aka gori maem (mademoiselle), vilayati lal’s successful sojourn will involve landing up with a gora maem. So, another obvious theme used to vilayati lal returning with gora maem, who characteristically wouldn’t be much different from vilayati lal, doing everything from smoking, drinking and kicking parents. But, more publicized affair was that of vilayati wine than vilayati women.

Lure for vilayat percolated down to everything vilayati in pre90s days. Demand for vilayat made products was very high in India was used to be a matter of prestige to something valyati (yes, besides people the word was also used for objects). People liked to show-off their vilayati products to everyone who felt envious of not having it.

90s effectively killed the charm of vilayati products when liberalization of economy made foreign brands abundantly available in every corner of the country. Everyone with foreign band at home no one was bothered to show-off anymore. Now with everything made in china most of the people don’t actually love vilayati products as the used to be.

New millennium opened one more door and the charm of exotic vilayati locale was lost forever. The far far away land which was inaccessible and out of reach of common man became accessible to a whole new generation of Indian labourers known as ‘software engineer’. Suddenly more people had visas stamped on their passports and the stories about vilayat which once was prerogative of a selected few disappeared in photo albums of middle class people who photographed every nook and corner of vilayat including entry and exit points of airports. A decade later, vilayati governments fight to pitch their locales in bollywood movies as a destination even cheaper than our native hotspots for middleclass. The allure of vilayat is almost gone but not all as for everything else there is vilayati money.

The Dragon Tattoo Girl

Girl with the Dragon Tatto is one of thriller movie that also turns out to be hard hitting unlikely take on religious prosecution, misogyny, sexual exploitation and dealing with fascist family past. Movie revolves around an idealist journalist entrapped in his own scoop against a company and awaiting his impending imprisonment. He is invited by a living industrialist living on a private island who wants the journalist to investigate supposed disappearance/ murder of his niece that happened 40 years back.

Jurno is struck by the challenge to investigate a 40 year old case totally written off. He tries to investigate the case but finds no headway but realizes that his computer has been hacked when computer hacker provides him with lead that seems to have connotation of religious persecution. He confronts his computer hacker who turns out to be a young girl with troubled past, he offers the case which is reluctantly accepted by her. They move together to resolve the case.

The movie is slightly slow in nature and takes its own time to establish all the characters and set up and sometimes you wonder where all this is leading to but it doesn’t looses grip. Even the industrialist and his family members who themselves are part of suspects are painfully described and their embrace of Nazi philosophy.

The discovery of religious quotation as inspiration for similar murders in the past sets the movie into investigative mode and much like investigative journalism it relies on past records of public events and audits of financial transactions of a company dating back to 40 years to track the movement of suspects, which I believe would have only been possible in a developed country.

Finally the jurno with help of his unconventional hacker cracks the case, but if it disappearance or murders that is thrill to watch. Amazingly the movie has very old school treatment as it doesn’t end there but it resolves all the conflicts of the characters and subplots at the end be it jurno’s revenge at the dubious corporate house or the hacker’s resolve of family past.

I read that Hollywood is going to remake this classic move in its own fast paced style which may skip some of the brilliant episodes of the movie and its gritty portrayal of characters, I know movie would become a hit but people may never be able to watch the original cult movie simply because it is unheard in non-hollywood environment.

Humpty Dumpty and Humpday

An artist (Andrew) knocks the door of his old pal, Ben,a married man, instantly reconnects with him baffling his wife. His wife tries to comes to in terms with being sidelined in her own home, while the guys bond over conversation. This is amongst the movies which are largely build around conversation, also my major motive of watching this movie. Most of the conversation based movies are largely upredicatble, you don't know where conversation would take the movie to, but in this case, you do.

The couple in the movie are conventional people, who are brought up on conventional line of thinking and living such life, i.e. Finding job/other half, getting married, buying house and planning kids. Suddenly, our pal Ben is overwhelmed with the life, lifestyle and work opportunities of his artist friend; in comparison his life is pale.

Ben warms upto the life of artists and over the conversation decides to be part of the of a movie made exclusively for a film festival that no one has heard of, all he got to do it tell his wife and if she is okay with it. One conversation leads to another and the baffled wife comes to know her hubby wants to make an “porn movie” and amazingly she is the one who tells that the movie fest is all about pornography least about art, which our fren Ben defends as artist's reinvention of pornography as art, an “alternate porn or art porn”. She asks her husband why he suddenly wants to make a porn movie, and like all normal people who are trapped in their conventional role and life, her husband is totally clueless why he wants to make an porn movie.

The most freaky part of the movie: the last part of the movie turns out to be the most freaky part of the movie. The two guys meet to make their porn. Well, i didn't tell you the kind of porn they want to make for art's sake; it's straight guy gay porn, yes, if this sounds freaky to you then you should see the last part. I was praying for lack of action, which would have made it kind of difficult to watch and digest. You would have to watch it to know if my prayers were answered or not. The two straight guys talking about ways to ignite chemistry create attraction and the reason & necessity for making such movie makes even more freaky conversation.

The Smartest thing: the whole damn movie is about a person's or writer's idea about two straight guys attempt to make gay porn for art's sake and the whole conversation which any one would have gone through while pushing this idea and the director amazingly turns this whole idea and conversation into a movie.

And finally, i really never heard of this art porns, i was really laughing at it being casting couch tapes of indie movie producers (anyways all porno producers are independent). But, damn if anyone has, please bring it to light.

A small ‘Update” and A Giant Leap

I know most of you would be thinking its too late to talk about leap year, if there was any. I’m not talking about it anyway. It’s about relationship. Once you get married and a few years pass by, then you see things stabalise around you. Its lot more peaceful as you are pretty sure when and how your partner gonna throw pan at you and you are very confidant that you will be able to catch it. Not only things stablise but also intensity and enthusiasm levels also come down, as every thing can’t remain same.

Once you are done with giant leap of slaying your bachelor life and years pass by then its very easy for everyone to sort life you or shall I say simplify it you…and the solution is always another leap (having kids). It’s the best argument, “what else you gonna do anyway”. But if you have not taken the second leap then you its somewhat different for you as you really need to do something before you start loosing some fizz.

It much like reinventing what you had already invented in your relationship (which described by women in two words is usually – stupid and useless). It’s somewhat similar like what corporates do, instead of launching a whole new version they release an ‘UPDATE’ when they are sure that their product is loosing some charm and they are not ready to take it to next level. Little bit shine over here & there, little bit re -jigging and result is an “update”.

“update” is the real short term solution to bring smile and excitement back in to the life. It’s a small step for man and giant improvement in mankind’s personal life (yeah, I get it its exaggerated). Oh, and talking about ‘leaps’, I saw leap of different kind when I visited a mall sometime back.

To my surprise, I saw a lot of the men holding their kid in hand while their better half enjoyed the outing. I had not seen so many men at same place and in similar condition (yeah its condition). I couldn’t believe it and I really didn’t want to! I cribbed to myself, how the hell men in this country took this leap of being “friendly” to their kids (all this bullshit was largely limited to movies), in my parents generation kids were scared of their father, now I see them hand in hand. Fathers were meant to be strict and scary, which always drove kids to their mothers and gave men free to do their stuff (which largely is doing nothing). Now this gone…gone forever. I couldn’t believe this leap had to happen during my generation only, couldn’t they have waited one more generation to pass by. But now, thanks to this leap by men of our country our lives are going to get screwed. Did I hear someone screaming??

Rush To Flush

Now that all hoopla around sania mirza and shohiab malik is over and they are done with chasing each other. I realised what just had happened and i know that it was result of being in one sceanrio that no one desires to be, i call it 'rush to flush'. It happens when you are just out of a relationship and the most unfortunate & immediate escape route goes towards another relationship.

Fall to 'rush to flush' is aided and abetted by two tools -'Stepney' and 'Open Window'. 'Stepney', as i call it, is mindware programme, it keeps tracks of all the alternate options, be it available or unavailabe in a person's life, it runs in the background while you continue your existing relationship (but remember 'stepney' turns from mindware to malware once you get married and has distructive affects). 'Open Window' as explined by our friend Ted Mosby, (in HIMYM series), is a real time relationship timeline alert tool that reminds you who has who has just moved out of relationship thus making window of opportunity open for the person.

These two tools are though independent of each other but are also complementary.Sometimes, both of these run together on same person and sometimes separaely. In case of sania mirza it was desperate need to escape from aftermath of a disastrous relationship and she turned to 'stepney' to find solace. Sohaib Malik on the other hand waited for 'Open Window' alert to make his move. Both these tools work perfectly fine until your immediate reason to be in one relationship happens to escape ruote from another, as you are emotionally drained mind plays its own game thus leading to 'rush to flush'.

I have seen it happening to two of my friends, one needed stepney and other was waiting for window to open, they hitched in this scenario dated for long even got married but still couldn't save the relationship. And,i also remember thelast big celebrity 'rush to flush', aishwarya rai and vivek oberoi; we all know the outcome. It usually follows the same pattern withperson thinking why the hell i got into this situation.

Men at Malls

A lot of those who were distraught by reading one of my previous posts asked me “then what do men actually do?” well there is lot that men do/don’t/can’t or are forced to do at mall.

Making payment was actually the thing that most of the men are proud of, though most of men still swing their wallets at payment counter but they can’t claim to be the only one as nowadays women does the same.

So what do they do?
If there are two or more guys together then window shopping and bird watching is subconscious outcome. Men don’t do window shopping but as there is usually confusion about what to buy and what not, men usually end up doing window shopping. And with women, men are perpetually confused and they don’t mind adding distraction to their confused state.

The funniest one that you will ever see is men holding women’s purse and waiting near trial rooms. Nowhere else you will every see so many men holding their partner’s purses and waiting patiently. You really got to see it, how funny it looks with so many men are holding women’s purse and are totally clueless what to do next.

Flirting with sales-woman is not habitual act for men (though, there are always some exception) but every shop expects this to happen. So, they have already worked on to steal man’s charm and when man is thinking that he has charmed the lady, the sales-woman knows her counter charm is very well working.

Walking around the shop is certainly what most of men don’t prefer especially when they don’t have to buy anything. Meandering around the shop mentally tires men faster then gym routine; you see men looking out for chair to relax. You will always find some men at a corner on chair, perfectly relaxed knowing why he is there.

What men don’t do (here) is checking out woman’s section and you would rarely find men checking out women’s clothes. If you are standing and find other people giving strange look then it is more likely that you are standing in front of lingerie section. In last five years I have seen only one person (man) in lingerie section actually trying to buy something, I could see other men at distance really wondering “what the hell this guy is doing” and sales-women was actually blushing (as they are hardly used to sell lingerie to men).

One thing that men are not allowed to do at certain malls is standing near woman’s trial room, they are kept at some distance. I can understand, men are supposed to be perverts, always looking at other women. But then, how many men would be really interested in watching their women when their comment really doesn’t count.

Woman's Activism!

Every time I enter a shopping mall I face the same irritant, and no they are not sales persons offering new schemes. If you ever go to men’s section/floor, you will find more women then men. More women in men’s section is not a headache but the women activism sure is a headache. The sense you get on men’s section is almost like it belongs to women, the smell of perfume tells you who dominates the floor, you always see them calling shots taking decision about what men should wear, which they actually should take. I can’t believe that I have seen woman actually deciding undergarments for her men (yeah and this doesn’t happen vice versa in India) and the man looked clueless, what kind of looser that man can be who doesn’t know about his undergarments.

I fail to understand one thing, how come men have really no idea what they should wear. Men’s fashion is not as complex as women’s fashion and there aren’t many frequent changes in their fashion either. Still, most of the men seem to be clueless about what to wear. Lack of sense of fashion amongst men is acceptable as lot of men have this particular quality, but not being able to make decision about your worst sense of dressing is more appalling.

Last time when I went to a mall, it was usual, women commanding their men. I saw a person being dished out number of shirts for trial, all by his wife, he got a good number of options to choose from but unfortunately none were his!!! Well, this is classic case of clothing decision made by most of men in India; they get to make none of the decisions.

Since childhood, it’s mother who makes all decision about her son’s clothing (sometimes fathers too) though kids go out but decision is generally don’t get to take any decision, this usually goes on until child reaches to college gates. In some unfortunate instance even during college days moms decide what their kids would wear, this one can still be observed in any mall in India. But, these guys are not the most unfortunate; the unfortunate ones are the guys who bring their gal to decide what they should wear. This usually is freedom time to develop your own style and sense because at next leap this freedom usually gets curtailed. I still don’t know why guys do this because girls don’t really get impressed with it but they do get idea whether guy is conformist/confrontationist (and you know who a girl would better like!).

For married men the problem is very different, despite being financially independent devoid of any upper-hand from parents, he still can be coerced to accept choice of her partner. Married men gets bewildered by the consequence of saying no to his wife, anyone can guess the consequence of saying no to the parents but in case of wife consequence is always unpredictable. I kind of sympathise with married men especially the ones who are cheered at lot when they come out of the trial room and has no idea about what he is wearing, a reluctant smile and deal is sealed (..so is his misery).

I’m not pretty sure what trigger this indecisiveness amongst men, lack of fashion or lack of judgment. Though, space for lack of fashion actually never gets filled but women don’t give second chance to men when it comes to occupying the ‘lack of judgment’ space.